All I Hoped For Was You
by eien.no.shi
Summary: Alone. Abandoned. Depressed. So many emotions were raging his body that it was hard to just focus on one.    I'm horrible at summaries so...R&R?


Harry sprawled out on his bed and glanced over at Ron's bed. He felt so lonely without Ron or Hermione considering their always together it's not really surprising that they would bother to notice how he was feeling. Alone. Abandoned. Depressed. So many emotions were raging his body that it was hard to just focus on one. He raised his arm over his head and rolled back the sleeve of his shirt to look at the now fading scars. They were the only evidence that people could see that would show that he was broken.

Was he broken? It was a question that Harry asked himself often enough. He wanted to believe that he wasn't but the scars had to argue otherwise. He was almost too busy staring at the scars on his wrist to hear to door click open but luckily he heard and pulled down his sleeve fast enough so that Ron wouldn't see what he was so desperately trying to hide.

"Hey Ron." He tried to sound at least a little cheerful but it was hard to tell whether he did or not considering Ron was much too busy worrying about something completely different right now.

"Oh, uhh…hey Harry…" He was nervous most definitely. Harry thought he had a feeling about what it was to.

"What's wrong Ron?"

"It's just…Hermione and I forgot that we had other plans for tonight and-"

_(Harry)Of course they did._

"It's ok, we could always do something another day."

"You sure?" Ron asked but he knew Harry all too well.

"Yeah, go out with Hermione."

"Alright then, later." He headed out the door almost before the door shut.

_(Harry)So typical. They always have plans. But I guess that's normal, I really should be used to it by now but I'm not._

Harry leaned over and went into his drawer finding the object he was seeking much faster than expected. He stared at the blade in his hands for a moment pondering his options.

_(Harry)It would be so easy….all I would have to do is sink this into my arms and maybe across my throat. But….I can't go unless I know. I need to know. I just need to know if there's one person there for me. One person I love…Draco…how do you feel about me?_

Harry had been in love with Draco for a while but had always been too afraid to tell him. He went to the library first to look for him which turned out to be quite successful. He was sitting with a book in hand and was by himself.

_(Harry)God he's so beautiful. At least he's by himself, but there are still people around, maybe he would come with me up to the clock tower. _

"Draco?"

Draco practically jumped at the sudden outburst in his quiet. His silver eyes looked up from him book only to be met with green ones.

"Potter. What do you want?"

_(Harry)His voice is so cold and harsh. Maybe I was wrong to do this but I just have to know…_

"I need to ask you about something that I heard going around."

"What is it?" He sounded even more annoyed than usual.

"I'm not sure it's something that you would want unknowing ears to hear." Harry glanced around the library then back at Draco.

"Right, I'll meet you somewhere in a little just let me finish my chapter." He returned to reading his book.

"Alright, well meet me at the clock tower later then."

Draco gave Harry a knowing nod without tearing his eyes from his book.

_(Harry)Great. I was nervous enough about doing it now but having to wait until later? That'll be torturous._

Harry walked up to the clock tower and waited for Draco.

The sun was almost set when Draco walked up the steps of the clock tower to meet Harry. He walked over next to Potter and leaned against the wall.

"So Potter, what exactly was it that you just so happened to hear going around the school?"

"It's so ridiculous….you'll get a good laugh from this one." Harry forced a smile trying to make his story sound believable.

"Well? Spit it out already." Draco seemed like he most definitely wanted in on the joke.

"God some idiots started this rumor that you were in love with me." Harry tried to make it seem like it was the funniest thing in the world when all he really wanted was for that to be true.

_(Draco)How in the hell did people find out? And Harry's laughing because of it? But I guess that would be my answer if I ever told him…he would just laugh in my face. It really is just better to let these feelings fade. Maybe it is better to go on pretending to hate him._

"Yeah, what a joke. Me? In love with you? Yeah right." Draco chuckled and stared at the stars that had started to form in the sky.

_(Harry) A joke? I guess I really am alone… I only had hope for this one last thing to work out but I guess not. Well maybe it's better this way. At least he can have a normal relationship instead of with someone as messed up as I am.._

"Yeah…a joke..." Harry was backing away from Draco slowly. Trying to get away before Draco could say anything else to hurt him.

"Potter?" Draco turned around to see Harry sinking back towards the stairs. "What are yo-"

Draco stopped short. He looked at Harry's face and found tears forming in the corners of his eyes and slowly starting to roll down his cheeks.

"Why are you crying?" Draco took one step forward and Harry took one back. He reached his hand out to touch Harry but Harry shrank away from the hand.

_(Draco) What's up with him? Why won't he tell me what's wrong?_

Harry turned to go down the stairs but Draco caught him by the wrist before he could get away.

"Something's wrong. What's going on?"

_(Harry) Why is he doing this? Why is he being so nice? Why can't he just let me go off and do whatever I want? Why does he need to know?_

"You wouldn't understand." Harry turned his face away and tried to get his wrist back from Draco's grip.

"Try me."

Harry glared at him through angry eyes and decided that he wouldn't put up with Draco. Not today.

"It's none of your damn business!" Harry yanked his wrist away from Draco's grip and bolted down the stairs all the way to his room and slammed the door shut behind him. He hadn't even noticed that he was crying his eyes out. The tears running down his face weren't anything new anyway so it's not surprising that he didn't notice them.

_(Harry) I can't do this. I can't stand being here anymore! I don't want to be alone._

Harry crossed his room to his bed and wrote two notes addressing one of them to Ron and Hermione and the other one to Draco. He thought that Draco had a right to know why he was so upset earlier. He set the note to Ron and Hermione on Ron's bed and set the one to Draco on his side table.

Harry picked up the blade that he had held so many times before and stared at his reflection in it.

_(Harry) I'm so pitiful. No wonder Draco hates me…._

Harry sunk the blade into one of his arms and made a long deep cut along his entire forearm, repeating the process on his other arm. After he finished the deed Harry let the blade drop from his hands to the floor and sank into his bed awaiting what was now inevitable.

_(Harry) I'm sorry…I'm sorry that I couldn't be stronger…._

_(Draco) What the hell was that? What was he talking about? I need to go check on him….._

Draco was outside Harry's room faster than he had thought was possible for himself. He knocked on the door loud enough for him to hear but not loud enough to scare him.

"Potter?" He put his ear to the door only to hear Harry crying on the other side.

(Draco) What the hell? It's not like I said anything to hurt him anyway. I agreed that the rumor was…god I'm an idiot! How could I not tell he wasn't serious? He never heard a rumor he just wanted to know how I felt, obviously he was too scared to just tell me how he felt…and I told him that me feeling anything for him was a joke? What the hell?

"Po-" Draco took a deep breath and leaned his head against the door. "Harry…"

No response.

"Listen Harry…what I said up in the clock tower, it wasn't true." Draco turned around and sat in front of Harry's door leaning his head against it. "The truth is that….that I…god this is a lot harder than I thought it would be. Harry I…I've been in love with you for a long time and the only reason I said otherwise was because when you talked to me earlier…you laughed and I thought that was how you felt about me…"

Draco sat and waited for a response but heard no other noise coming from the other side of the door. He pressed his ear to the door and tried to hear what was happening on the other side of the door but he couldn't hear anything.

(Draco) Why isn't he saying anything? Well he stopped crying so maybe I should go inside…

"Harry?" Draco knocked on the door.

No response.

Draco opened the door to Harry's bedroom and looked over to Harry's bed.

(Draco) He fell asleep? I didn't think that he had cried that much…

Draco walked over to Harry's bed and leaned over it.

"Are you ok Harry?" Draco leaned his hand on Harry's bed and felt a warm liquid on the sheets.

"What the-" Draco leaned off the bed and looked at his hand.

(Draco) No….blood…..god Harry no!

"Harry!" Draco pulled Harry onto his back and looked at his pale face. He felt tears slipping down his face as he reached out with a shaking hand to check for a pulse. "No…"

"Hey Harry why is the do-" Ron spun around to see Harry laying on his bed and Draco sitting on the floor next to his bed staring at his hands. "Malfoy? What the hell did you do?"

Draco turned to face Ron with empty eyes.

"He…and I…but he was….and I came to….but he was…" Draco turned away from Ron.

(Ron) Why in the bloody hell is Draco crying? What the hell is he talking about?

Ron walked over to Harry's bed and looked down at his friend.

"Oh my god…" It was all Ron could manage to say.

(Draco) Harry….how could you….

Draco looked back over his shoulder at Harry when he noticed something in Harry's hand.

(Draco) What in the..?

Draco took the folded piece of paper from Harry's hand and unfolded it to stare at the words on the paper.

Draco,

I wish that I could have told you how I felt before this but I just couldn't tell you with what you said when we were up at the clock tower. I couldn't bear to tell you and have you hate me anymore than you do. I don't know if you'll even read this but if you do I just want you to know that I've loved you for years. I wish I could have been with you but I just want you to be happy. So if you're still reading this, then thank you. I want you to be happy with whoever you choose to be with. Just do me one favor, I guess you could call it a last request, don't forget me. But it's time to say good-bye. I hope I'll see you again but I won't get my hopes up.

Good-bye, Harry

P.S. Thanks for coming to my room to check on me. I can hear you knocking on my door but I don't want to have to explain. I don't think you would care anyway, but thanks for everything.

Draco finished to note and stared blankly at the page. His tears were falling even faster but he didn't even notice.

(Draco) He heard me at the door? Why didn't he answer me? Why? Why….why Harry? Fine. If you want to see me again I'll give you your wish.

Draco took the blade from Harry's hand and pointed it at his throat.

"Draco what are you doing?"

"See you soon, love." Draco shoved the knife into his neck as he grabbed Harry's hand and intertwined their fingers.

~The End~


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